11/30/2018

Date: 11/30/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning:
....afternoon: 12:02
....evening: 17:39

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: "Living from that Will, supported by It's unfailing wisdom and understanding, mine is the victorious life"
....time: 20:00
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: The initial phrase "Living from that Will" really vibrant. I imagined suddenly Tiphareth turning into a flower. I then imagined myself dead and buried in a deep forest perhaps just a few inches below the surface. I imagined a flower growing up out of my lower abdomen. I then wondered what if the flower was a rose and it grew out of my chest. The flower from my lower abdomen changed into a rose but it didn't move to my chest. Then, I had lots of roses growing from many parts of my body. I then speculated that maybe the bulb from which the flowers grew was Tiphareth and the top of the soil was the Veil of Paroketh.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
20 minutes Threshold 4 goal

11/29/2018

Date: 11/29/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 07:03
....afternoon: 12:20
....evening: 17:00

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: "In all things great and small, I see the beauty of the divine expression"
....time: 21:00
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: "all things needful, both spiritual and material" = "manifestation of the undeviating justice" = "In all things great and small".  "all things needful" also means circumstances and not just spiritual and/or material objects. How do I apply this to Hitler and the Jewish Holocaust? I cannot help but conclude the the "undeviating justice" is not really punitive in nature but simply what is needed for our spiritual progress. I wonder how the Jews murdered by the Nazis benefited spiritually. I'm being sarcastic but also am truly asking the question. If all things and all circumstances come from It, then everything and all circumstances must be "divine expressions". The Buddhists say that pain is inevitable but suffering is not. It's easy for me, as a privileged white male who has never undergone any real hardship, to say these things. I may never truly understand hardship. I find myself hoping that I never do. Is that being spiritually immature?

I imagine a yin-yang symbol made up of blue and red, instead of black and white. It starts to spin and the blue and red start to bleed into one another. As it spins faster and faster, it gets brighter and brighter until it suddenly explodes into the bright radiant yellow of Tiphareth.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

20 minutes for Threshold 4 goal.

11/28/2018

Date: 11/28/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 12:00
....evening: 16:51

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 05:30
....duration: 45 minutes
....results: good.
Started to fall asleep.

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

11/27/2018

Date: 11/27/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 07:01
....afternoon:
....evening: 16:54

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: "I recognize the manifestation of the undeviating Justice in all the circumstances of my life."
....time: 20:15
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: There is a very dynamic link between the "all things spiritually needful" from Chesed and "undeviating Justice" from Geburah here. I think these two might be identical.  Energy from the two statements in their sephiroth seem to flow back and forth into each other. Undeviating Justice is evidently a primary component in "Beauty of the divine expression" of Tiphareth.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other:
30 minutes on Threshold 4 goal.

11/26/2018

Date: 11/26/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 08:15
....afternoon: 13:34
....evening: 17:20

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 13:50
....duration: 45 minutes
....results: decent. Needed it.

Meditation: "From the exhaustless riches of It's limitless substance, I draw all things needful, both spiritual and material"
....time: 17:30
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: Since all things are made of It's limitless substance (i.e. There is nothing which is not God), then it follows that whatever you acquire or are given is drawn from It's limitless substance.

Is this an affirmation or a statement of fact, or both?

What about someone who is starving?

If I look at the constellation of this statement in Chesed with the statement in Geburah, "I recognize the manifestation of the undeviating justice in all the circumstances of my life". To me, this means that we are always provided with what we need. If we're starving then the higher self has put us into that situation for a spiritual purpose (undeviating justice). In this case we are receiving the I am drawing all things needful, spiritual.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other: 30 minutes Threshold 4 goal

11/25/2018

Date: 11/25/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 08:23
....afternoon: 12:45
....evening: 17:30

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: "Filled with Understanding of It's perfect law, I am guided, moment by moment, along the path of liberation".
....time: 13:30
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: This time I received a set of imagines: A bucket was being filled with a black fluid. The bucket overflowed and onto the porch of the house, and then overflowed over the porch and into the foundations. Then the black fluid flowed down the well deep into the earth. It then was flowing into an ocean of the black fluid deep below the earth. Then the phrase "The ocean flowing under reality". So was the bucket filling the ocean, or was the ocean actually filling the bucket?

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other: 40 minutes on Threshold 4 goal. 

11/24/2018

Date: 11/24/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning:
....afternoon: 12:05
....evening: 16:54

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 15:00
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: difficult to relax.

Meditation: "Through me It's unfailing wisdom takes form in thought and form"
....time: 19:40
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: 

"I" am but a lens of Deity.

"My" purpose is to provide a vehicle for It's expression, to manifest It's wisdom.

For me, "thought" and "form" are aspects of astral reality, which is much lower than Chokmah.

Why are they mentioned here? It seems that these statements are from the perspective of the subjective life of the ego-personality. Yet I still need to ask how they relate from the perspective of "It".

Notice that "thoughts" and "words" are also mentioned all the way down in the statement for Yesod.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune.
Other:
30 minutes on Threshold 4 goal.

11/23/2018

Date: 11/23/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:
....morning: 10:10
....afternoon: 12:10
....evening: 16:57

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 12:15
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: difficulty relaxing

Meditation: "I am a center of expression of the primal will-to-good which eternally creates and sustains the universe".
....time: 20:40
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: "We're all hand-puppets of Deity, so stop taking things so personally."

The phrase "I think therefore I am", is still valid, but it says nothing about "who" or "what" I am. It also does not indicate whether I am an entity who is distinct from other entities.

Daily-life: Day after Thanksgiving. Nice, slow day.

Yesterday, I had a really hard time emotionally. I saw a child hood bully on facebook and it sent me into a VERY, VERY dark place for hours. The "hand puppet" statement above seems to address my  feeling so intensely inadequate and inherently broken.

Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" - Dion Fortune.
Other:

18:40 - 30 minutes on Threshold 4 goal.

11/22/2018

Date: 11/22/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 6

Salutation:  I'm now using the 3 salutations from "Appendix to the task of the neophyte" Explanatory Lecture No. 1A
....morning: 06:57
....afternoon: 13:25
....evening: 19:02

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 08:30
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: difficult for a long time but then finally settled down. Feeling oddly frightened and uneasy.

Meditation: "All the power that ever was or will be is here now."
....time: 10:50
....duration: 10 minutes
....results: "There is no reason to hurry, yet no reason to delay. Make haste slowly."
Unity is like the background radiation of the universe. It is infinite.

Daily-life: It's Thanksgiving day. I find myself afraid of a lack of perseverance. I pray that I will be given the tenacity that I need.

Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune

Other:

13:08 30 minutes on Threshold 4 goal

11/21/2018

Date: 11/21/2018
Current lesson: threshold 5

Salutation:
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 12:29
....evening: 18:33

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
19:37 practice Cross of Light

11/20/2018

Date: 11/20/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 5

Salutation: from initiation packet
....morning: 06:52
....afternoon: 15:03
....evening: 17:22

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 14:15
....duration: 40minutes
....results: difficult but still helpful

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

Practiced Cross of Light

11/19/2018

Date: 11/19/2018
Current lesson: Threshold 5

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:50
....afternoon: 12:02
....evening: 16:59

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 22:02
....duration: 40minutes
....results: pretty good.
Considering the Calvary Rose Cross, is the rose what's at the center when the cube unfolds. Is the rose what's hidden in the center of the cube of space? Is the rose on the rose cross,  the universe tarot card?

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
30 minutes on Threshold 4 goal

21:42 practiced Cross of Light

11/18/2018

Date: 11/18/2918
Current lesson: Threshold x5

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 09:11
....afternoon:
....evening:

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

11/17/2018

Date: 11/17/2018
Current lesson:  Threshold 5

Salutation: adoration
....morning:  07:37
....afternoon: 15:07
....evening:

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

I'm sitting in my car in the parking lot of the South San Francisco Francisco temple waiting for my initiation at 16:30.
I'm nervous, which is appropriate.
I hope this initiation takes deeply.
I don't want to lose my job or my family though. But if that is the will of my higher self,  then so be it.

11/16/2018

Date:  11/16/2018

Current lesson: Threshold 5

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:34
....afternoon: 15:03
....evening: 17:29

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

11/15/2018

Date: 11/15/2018

Current lesson:  Threshold 5

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:45
....afternoon: 12:00
....evening: 16:58

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: Cross of Light/ rhythmic breathing
....time: 21:52
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: difficult settling down. I often forget myself and lose the rhythmic breathing. I obviously need more practice.

I thought of the third element in the Pattern on the Trestleboard: "Through me it's unfailing Wisdom takes form in thought and work". Is this an aspiration for me desiring to become wise. Or is this a statement that no matter how wretched or misguided I might be, what I express is It's hidden wisdom in spite of myself. This would imply that even pain and suffering is part of It's wisdom. HHhhhmmm.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune.
Other:
21:26 20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

I'm noticing that I'm dragging my feet regarding starting Lesson 6 where I meditate on specific concepts. I wonder why.

11/14/2018

8Date: 11/14/3018

Current lesson: Threshold 5

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:02
....afternoon: 12:02
....evening: 16:32

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 08:40
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: pretty good
I envisioned a garden in which rose vines climb a cross shaped trellis.
Balanced sacrifice is the framework on which spiritual progress can climb.

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other:

09:30 20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

22:28 practiced Cross of Light Banishing

11/13/2018

Date: 11/13/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:05
....afternoon:
....evening: 19:39

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing with Cross of Light
....time: 20:30
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: good.
When performing the initial adoration before the cross of Light,  I imagined the all seeing eye getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It started to become a bit overwhelming.

Today,  while day dreaming,  I was on a plain of sand and gravel. I saw a tree dump that was burnt and blasted by lightning. Out of this stump was growing another much smaller tree that was in the shape of the cross. Around this smaller tree grew vines of roses. I speculate that the blasted tree stump represented a sacrificial altar. The sacrificing of the ego or lower personality so the rose cross could grow.
I imagined this again during today's meditation.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: Mystical Qabalah by Dion Fortune
Other:  20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4goal.

11/12/2018

Date: 11/12/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 09:30
....afternoon: 14:43
....evening: 18:50 - with practice of Cross Of Light

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life: Not feeling well today. Having asthma issues when at home for the last three weekends. Might be also fighting off an illness.
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other:
I'm noticing explicitly that when I banish the cross of light circle, I'm imagining them turning into smoke and either dispersing or I breathe them back into myself. This is true of the circle as well as the crosses. I'm not sure which one is more appropriate, if either.

11/11/2018

Date: 11/11/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:30
....afternoon: 12:00
....evening: 17:46

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 16:30
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: Ok. Sleepy

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....time: 19:10
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: tried metronome this time.
Fairly difficult.  I probably have a naturally rectangular breath instead of a square one.
Tonight, I saw the crosses as sculpted in smooth stone in the four directions of a round room with a circle on the wall around them. The lights went down and lights behind the crosses lit up with the crosses themselves in shadow.
I think this meant to draw my attention to the power behind the crosses of light.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune
Other:
18:00 16 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

11/10/2018

Date: 11/10/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning:
....afternoon: 13:06
....evening:

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 20:10
....duration: 40 lines
....results: decent.
I'm surrounding this decision with the Cross of Light banishing ritual.

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

11/9/2018

Date: 11/9/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:21
....afternoon: 19:24
....evening:

Meditation: mindfulness
....time: 08:15
....duration: 40 minutes
....results: decent
Day dreamed that blue rose crosses became stick figures and begin to interact with me.

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

11/8/2018

Date: 11/8/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 06:27
....afternoon:
....evening: 18:32

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation:
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
19:45 practiced Cross of Light ritual.

11/7/2018

Date: 11/7/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 09:45
....afternoon: 12:32
....evening: 16:35

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....time: 21:50
....duration: 15 minutes
....results:
After I cast the Cross Of Light circle, the circle-crosses became almost as independent beings that were dear friends. They encircled me and put their hands on my chest. I leaned my head forward and started to tear up. They truly loved me for who I was.
When I banished the circle, each cross reached out and took my hands before fading.
When meditating, my breathing was somewhat better than usual.
I recited the Pattern on the Trestleboard.
When reciting "Fill with understanding of it's perfect law, I am guided, moment by moment, along the path of liberation", I got the impression that "it's perfect law" was a living presence in and of itself.
"From the exhaustless riches of its limitless substance ...": "its limitless substance" is also alive. Not only to I draw all things needful. I am made of this limitless substance on all levels.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
09:00 around 20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

When I perform the adoration, I visualize and "All Seeing Eye" in the triangle floating above a King and Queen, who are sometimes embracing. The eye then often expands more and more until the King and Queen are within it's pupil. If I don't see the King and Queen, I can then ask the Eye to be feminine and it often will be. Or I can imagine it as masculine and that happens easier. I find that it's emotionally important for me to achieve some masculine/feminine balance when performing the adoration. The term Lord throws me somewhat but I'm compensating for it with the above imagery.

Sometimes, I also see the eye in the middle of the Yin-Yang symbol.

11/6/2018

Date: 11/6/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:05
....afternoon: 13:20
....evening: 19:33

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: cross-of-light:rhythmic breathing
....time: 09:30
....duration: 15 minutes
....results:

Performed this meditation outside this morning.

Heard a rooster crow next door. *snicker*

It occurred to me that when I saw the cross in a dilapidated building, that the trashed, forgotten settings represent my subconscious mind. The phrase "balanced sacrifice" that occurred in an earlier meditation on the cross, might be phrased "balancing sacrifice" being applied to the contents of my subconscious material. Love this!

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: finishing WEB "Lords of Life" so I can begin "Mystical Qabalah" by Dion Fortune.
Other:

Read Threshold lesson 6.

I need to send the URL for this blog to FLO folks.

08:30 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal

11/5/2018

Date: 11/5/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:05
....afternoon: 12:11
....evening: 19:03

Meditation: mindfulness
....time:
....duration:
....results:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....time: 19:30
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: decent

I've been calling the "Cross of Light" ritual by the wrong name,  "Rose Cross banishing" .

Adoration
Cross of Light
15 minutes of rhythmic breathing
Fade crosses of Light circle
Closing adoration

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal

11/4/2018

Date: 11/4/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:30
....evening: 19:25

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 14:30
....Duration: 45 minutes
....Results: okay. Pain in my side hindered focus.

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....time: 15:30
....duration: 15 minutes
....results: same pain hindering focus but not too bad. Rose cross banishing ritual surrounded meditation.

1) muscle tensions and relaxations

2) adoration

3) Rose cross banishing with "shalom"s after each quarter

4) a) (touching forehead) "Thou, Oh Lord"

    b) (touching chest) "art the kingdom"

    c) (touching right shoulder) "and the power"

    d) (touching left shoulder) "and the glory"

    e) (clasping hands in front of chest) "forever, amen."

5) Sitting upright on chair, thighs level, hands on thighs. rhythmic square breathing pattern.

    This one is still pretty tough for me. It always has been. I find that I can get closer by delaying my out breath after breathing in and the rest tends to follow naturally. I'm trying to to obsess on whether my breathing is "square" enough. If I do that then I get tense.

Daily-life:  Depressed today. Feeling like I'm "inherently" inappropriate. I struggle a great deal with that one.
Books-being-read:
Other:

Worked on Threshold lesson 4 goal for 30 minutes. 

11/3/2018

Date: 11/3/2019

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:03
....afternoon: 13:30
....evening:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 21:09
....Duration: 15 minutes
....Results: good. Didn't want to stop.
Performed the rose cross banishing around this meditation.

Daily-life: depressed.
Books-being-read:
Other:
17:20 practiced rose cross banishing ritual
20:37 spent 40 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

11/2/2018

Date: 11/2/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 12:15
....evening: 19:15

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

19:06 spent 40 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

11/1/2018

Date: 11/1/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:01
....afternoon: 15:26
....evening: 19:14

Meditation: none
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

I am looking at a cross shaped bird feeder in the back yard of my coven high priest and priestess. It's not intented to be shaped like a Calvary cross. I notice how the two arms each have bird food stuff hanging off of them. They are balanced. The phrase "balanced sacrifice" came to me. The calvary cross may indicate "balanced sacrifice" among other things.

15:25 : Spent 40 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

19:50 practiced rose cross ritual but did not do meditation.