10/31/2018

Date: 10/31/2018

Salutation: adoration
....morning: 07:09
....afternoon: 14:05
....evening: 19:00

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 14:10
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: very sleepy today

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
07:20 Worked on Threshold lesson 4 goal for approximately 20 minutes.
07:45 Practiced Calvary Rose Cross ritual.
When I do the adoration, I usually see an eye in a triangle floating above a naked male and female couple wearing crowns facing each other with hands joined. I address my adoration to the non-gendered eye in the triangle.
This time, I then saw the triangle and eye expand so tht the male and female figures were inside the triangle and then inside the eye. Very interesting indeed.

10/30/2018

Date: 10/30/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:36
....evening: 19:44

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 09:00
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: decent

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
.... time: 21:45
....duration: 15 minutes
....results:
1) Adoration
2) Starting in the east, draw rose cross in blue light, entone shalom, quarter circle to next quarter proceeding deosil.
3) "Thou, Oh Lord (forehead while imagining brilliant white light above crown of head)....are the kingdom (touch chest, kingdom in Tiphareth or Malkuth here?)....and the power (right shoulder, Geburah).... and the glory (left shoulder, Chesed).....forever (hands clasped in front of chest), amen.
4) Rhythmic breathing for 15 minutes.
Difficult to focus and breath at first as I was in a bit of pain and had eaten too much. Then things got better. I imagined a 20 feet tall Calvary Rose Cross  in a dilapidated hotel building in a large city. The roof was leaking and there was garbage on the floors. I then found myself 20 feet tall and walking up behind the cross and stepping up into and through it. I then stood with the cross inside me with my arms extended out to my sides. The cross and I were glowing with golden light and we in an aura of flowing golden light.
5) Starting in the east, absorb rose cross and circle line proceeding widdershins.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
10:05 - practiced rose cross ritual outside. I think I got it right this time. I didn't do any meditating. I just practiced the ritual itself.

20:45 - worked on Threshold lesson 4 goal for around 30 minutes.

10/29/2018

Date: 10/29/2018

Salutation: adoration (original correct)
....morning: 08:03
....afternoon: 14:07
....evening: 19:17

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 14:20
....Duration: 25 minutes
....Results: decent but started falling asleep.

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 20:30
....Duration: 15 minutes
....Results: good
Francois indicated that I should follow the script. I've decided to follow his wisdom and do just that.
0) tense and release relaxation
1) adoration
2) draw calvary rose cross to the east and vibrate shalom. Saw cross emanating blue light...flowing energy. Visualized red rose at center of cross.
3) draw quarter circle to the south
4) repeat 2 and 3 for each direction
5) 15 minutes of seated rhythmic breathing. Saw blood stained wooden cross in forest grove overgrown with roses. Understood that it was where sacred kings had been willingly sacrificed for their people. Helps me see the meeting place between my paganism and this material.
6) Forgot to do incipient pre-qabalistic-cross here.
7) stamped foot
8) absorbed blue circle and blue calvary rose crosses into myself.
9) adoration
10) Remembered to do the "Thou, Oh Lord", pre-qabalistic cross.

Daily-life: allergies/cold/fatigue - not too bad though
Books-being-read:
Other:
"Action expresses commitment"
I really want this to work.
Day-dream during meditation suggests that I need to read more of Harold Willoughby's material. He might help me bridge my neopaganism to this qabalistic judeo-christian material.

Spent about 20 minutes on Threshold lesson 4 goal.

10/28/2018

Date: 10/28/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:06
....afternoon: 13:30
....evening: 19:03

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 11:25
....Duration:  13 minutes
....Results: decent.
I'm on Threshold Lesson 5 now.
So I'm incorporating the Rose Cross banishing ritual now.
I forgot to start with the adoration.
I performed the Rose Cross banishing ritual as described. I found myself really wanting to use an equal armed cross instead of a Calvary Cross, as described. This is due some aversions to some forms of Judeo-Christian symbolism. I have hopes of overcoming these at some point.
Intoning shalom went much better than I expected. It seemed to resonate quite well.
I forgot to do the "Though, Oh Lord..."as well. I would like to substitute the word "One" for Lord here. Are these kinds of substituted acceptable? I'll check with Francois.
I practiced the ritual properly again.

Meditation: mindfulness
.... time: 12:30
.... duration: 45 minutes
.... result: better

Daily-life: youngest daughter asked me to watch some cartoons with her that we both enjoy. I didn't engage soon enough and now she's doing something else. I'm sad now. Missed opportunity.

Books-being-read:
Other:
Finished reading Threshold lesson 5.

Worked in Threshold lesson 4 goal for about 30 minutes.

I was watching a performance of Hans Zimmer and an orchestra of the SoundTrack of the Batman Dark Knight movie on Youtube the other day.
They displayed the following quotes from the movie:
    Energy follows thought
    Action expresses priorities
    He is able who thinks he is able.
I find myself particularly drawn in by the second one at this time, "Action expresses priorities". I think of this when I'm too tired or don't want to do this work in favor of something more rewarding in the short term but useless in the longer term.

10/27/2018

Date: 10/27/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 23:17

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/26/2018

Date: 10/26/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 14:00                     
....evening: 19:40

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 19:45
....Duration: 10 minutes
....Results: pretty good. I'm becoming more familiar with my breathing. Letting my body tell me the square or rectangular rhythm it wants.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/25/2018

Date: 10/25/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:03
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life: Gardnerian coven esbat tonight at Glenn's house.  No time for additional work.

Books-being-read:
Other:

10/24/2018

Date: 10/24/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 09:50
....afternoon: 14:05
....evening: 19:03

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/23/2018

Date:  10/23/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 18:39

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 20:10
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: I didn't do this yesterday and I can feel the increased level of agitation Tuesday. I'm still agitated but less so.

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
.... Time: 20:55
.... Duration: 10 minutes
.... Results: lost concentration on rhythmic breathing for 4 minutes or so. Then regained it.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/22/2018

Date: 10/22/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 09:02
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 18:57

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 19:00
....Duration: 10 minutes
....Results: maintained rhythmic somewhat.
Recited Pattern on the Trestleboard inwardly.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:
20:10 Spent about 1/2 hour on my lesson 4 goal.

Reading Threshold lesson 5

Ate lunch with Diane Zingale today.
We talked about it being okay to modify the praxis in some ways to make things more palatable,  like changing the cross in the rose cross ritual to be equal armed so as not to trigger Christian religious abuse baggage initially.

Told her how helpful and comforting her comment, "When is doubt, do nothing.", was.
She had said it on our first lunch date.

10/21/2018

Date: 10/21/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:05
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 19:00

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:  30 minutes lesson 4 goal

10/20/2018

Date: 10/20/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: didn't
....afternoon: 15:00
....evening:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 16:10
....Duration: 10 minutes
....Results: decent. not sure how square my breathing was though

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 16:30
...Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: Decent. Dog got in the way until I figured out how to take charge gently.

Daily-life: realizing that it's much better to accept my karma than to attempt to run from it. "When in doubt,  do nothing."

Books-being-read:

Other:
15:52: I just did about 40 minuted work on my lesson 4 goal. I'm wanting to combine my proficiency in my shorthand and my 12-step work.

10/19/2018

Date: 10/19/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 09:00
....afternoon: 12:20
....evening: 19:27

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 19:28
....Duration: 10 minutes
....Results: had a hard time staying focused

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:
Worked on my lesson 4 goal for about 20 minutes or so.

10/18/2018

Date: 10/18/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 09:22
....afternoon: 14:??
....evening: 22:26

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 10:00
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: decent. Difficult to settle down

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:
I've been dragging my feet regarding the assignment in lesson 4 of the FLO threshold course.
This is where we are to declare a goal that can be achieved with a year.
Well, here's mine:

I will apply all my powers to achieve   writing out "A Gentle Path Through the 12 Steps" by Patrick Carnes" in my shorthand. This will include my responses to the exercises as well as the text of the book itself.
So mote it be!

10/17/2018

Date: 10/17/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:09
....afternoon: 13:05
....evening:

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 13:07
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: better

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/16/2018

Date: 10/16/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:09
....afternoon: 13:58
....evening: 18:40

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 09:30
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: decent

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:

10/15/2018

Date: 10/15/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning:  did not do it
....afternoon: 13:50
....evening: 19:10

Meditation: basic mindfulness
....Time: 15:00
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: Decent. Found some great music.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/14/2018

Date: 10/14/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:05
....afternoon: 14:17
....evening: 19:20

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 14:20
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: Decent but still wanted to stop. When I don't want to stop, then I know I've really succeeded.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/13/2018

Date: 10/13/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: didn't
....afternoon: 13:03
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/12/2018

Date: 10/12/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:19
....afternoon: 13:32
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/11/2018

Date: 10/11/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:19
....afternoon: 13:18
....evening: 18:35

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 21:00
....Duration: 15 minutes
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/10/2918

Date: 10/10/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 06:54
....afternoon: 13:30
....evening: 19:02

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 13:40
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: decent

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:

10/9/2018

Date: 10/9/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: didn't
....afternoon: 12:10
....evening: 19:03

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time: 21:53
....Duration: 15 minutes
....Results: Decent. Whispered the Pattern on the Trestleboard in my mind. I find that fairly fruitful and relaxing.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:

10/8/2018

Date: 10/8/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 11:25
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 19:58

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 12:30
....Duration: 30 minutes
....Results: so so

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/7/2018

Date: 10/7/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: worked all night
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/6/2018

Date: 10/6/2018

Salutation: Modified adoration
....morning: 09:21
....afternoon: forgot
....evening: 20:39

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 20:40
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: Better than usual. I didn't want to stop,  which means I succeeded in going deep enough.

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/5/2018

Date: 10/5/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 08:25
....afternoon: 13:05
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/4/2018

Date: 10/4/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 07:00
....afternoon: 13:00
....evening: 19:00

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/3/2018

Date: 10/3/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 10:07
....afternoon: 14:10
....evening: 21:30

Meditation: mindfulness
....Time: 17:00
....Duration: 40 minutes
....Results: so so

Daily-life:
Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light
Other:

10/2/2018

Date: 10/2/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: forgot
....afternoon: 13:20am
....evening:

Meditation:
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Daily-life:
Books-being-read:
Other:

10/1/2018

Date: 10/1/2018

Salutation: modified adoration
....morning: 09:49
....afternoon: 13:24
....evening:

Meditation: rhythmic breathing
....Time:
....Duration:
....Results:

Meditation: mindfulness
.... Time: 14:10
.... Duration: 40 minutes
.... Results: decent

Daily-life:

Books-being-read: WEB Lords of Light

Other: Wrote out the Pattern on the Trestleboard in short hand.